SH*T Bags by Smolotov

Elections come every four years.Walks cometwice a day.

Sixty plant-based poop bags to a box, every one printed with a face that's earned it. Scoop, tie, and feel briefly better about the republic.

Shop the cast Bundle & save up to 15%
  • 4.84 · 446 reviews across the three bags
  • Free US shipping at $45
  • Ships in 1–2 business days
  • Designed in Berkeley, CA
Best sellerStable Genius, face Nº 1: mid-shout, one eye squinting.Stable Genius, face Nº 2: heavy-lidded and smug.Stable Genius, face Nº 3: sneering, teeth bared.Stable Genius, face Nº 4: eyes shut, lips pursed.
Dept. of Sanitation · Face Nº 1Stable Genius

The cast

The usual
suspects.

Three faces. Sixty bags each. Pick the one you'd most enjoy filling.

Stable Genius
Nº 1Stable Genius

AKA The original · Best seller

Stable Genius

Charged with

Being openly hostile to his constituents and lying to preserve his own best interests.

★ 4.86 · 367 reviews$17.47
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The Deuce
Nº 2The Deuce

AKA #2

The Deuce

Charged with

Being a lackey for whom nobody voted. Finally finds his purpose.

★ 4.66 · 53 reviews$17.47
View the bag

Kennedizine
Nº 3Kennedizine

AKA Extended-release controversy

Kennedizine

Known side effects

Bursts of laughter, intangible satisfaction, and a positive outlook on pet waste cleanup.

★ 4.85 · 26 reviews$17.47
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Can't pick one? Don't. Bundle any three: save $7.41, ships free.

Build a box of three

Vox populi · Letters to the editor

Democracy dies in darkness. It lives in the reviews section.

4.84 / 5

446 reviews across the three bags
Collected by Judge.me

Customer photo of Stable Genius
“Love these poop bags so much. Not only are they hilarious but the bags are so much better than other ones they are easy to open and never split or leak. I appreciate them as I have 2 high energy dogs that I walk every day.”
Laura Reda · Stable Genius
Customer photo of The Deuce
“I love that my dog can show her political opinion. Dogs for Democracy”
Theresa Callahan · The Deuce
Customer photo of Kennedizine
“Love all the anti-fascism poop bags! It makes me feel better every time our dog poops and I can just scoop it up with the face of one jack ass after another! I share them with a few of my neighbors too and now I’m called the “funny poop bag lady.” I will continue buying these bags throughout these unprecedented times!”
Victoria Boone · Kennedizine
Customer photo of Stable Genius
“My greyhounds are proud to show their commitment to democracy and the Constitution.”
Anonymous · Stable Genius
Customer photo of Stable Genius
“I have received so many compliments on my custom designer Doggie bags. I feel so hip, or is that “woke”. I wanted to share with you that I found an alternative use for my Stable Genius bags. It’s feeding time for my 20 year-old ball python, Chauncey. I pulled a frozen rat out of my freezer to put in the refrigerator for a couple of days to thaw out.…”
Mary Beth Riordan · Stable Genius
Customer photo of Stable Genius
Anonymous · Stable Genius
Re: Stable Genius
“The most best wonderful amazing thing I have purchased on a very long time.”
Anonymous · Verified buyer
Re: The Deuce
“Number 2 for my dogs' number two! Perfect!”
DORRE K HOWARD · Verified buyer
Re: Kennedizine
“I will only use Smolotov bags because they're fantastic and I hand them out to people. We need more people. Keep them coming. I will Buy everyone!”
Amy Cohen · Verified buyer
Re: Stable Genius
“Great bags, they make me feel like I'm doing my part!”
Anonymous · Verified buyer
Re: Kennedizine
“I bought all 3 styles for a gift basket at a popular doggie benefit. They were very popular and recieved the most tickets! There was always someone calling their friend over saying "OMG look at these bags!!"”
Scoty C · Verified buyer
Re: Stable Genius
“No bag in the history of mankind has ever been this amazing. Winning”
Anonymous · Verified buyer

How to fight fascism

Four steps.
One satisfying conclusion.

  1. 01
    A hand pulling a bag off the roll at the perforation.

    Pull

    …one of our SH*T Bags away from the roll and tear on the perforated line. Feel the revolution flowing through your veins.

  2. 02
    A grinning man in a suit holding up a full bag.

    Collect

    …the waste in a plant-based bag, made in a BSCI-compliant facility committed to ethical production. The kleptocracy hates this.

  3. 03
    A bag landing on a familiar angular truck.

    Dispose

    …of the waste. You're free to choose the manner in which you dispose of your SH*T Bag (while it's still a free country).

  4. 04
    A man giving a thumbs up, very pleased with himself.

    Feel

    …a profound sense of accomplishment knowing that you are speaking truth to power and corruption. I'm so fucking proud of you right now.

Bundle and save · mix any characters

The third carton costs $5.05.

Bundle two cartons and save $2.94. Bundle three and save $7.41, which lands the order on exactly $45, where shipping goes free. Mix any characters: the bundle price doesn't care who's on the bag.

2 cartons$32.00save $2.94
3 cartons$45.00save $7.41 + free shipping
CartonsBagsBundle priceShippingDeliveredPer bag
160$17.47$6.95$24.4241¢
2120$32.00save $2.94$7.95$39.9533¢
3180$45.00save $7.41Free$45.0025¢

Shipping per the live policy: $6.95 under $25 · $7.95 from $25 to $44.99 · free from $45. US orders, before tax.

Your box

    Every bag in the box1 row = 1 roll of 15

    Bundle discount applies automatically at checkout · One-time order · Any mix of characters

    Why we exist

    A robot dog at a trade show carrying a tied Stable Genius bag, with the carton on the floor beside it.
    Resistant to water, dictators, fascists, tech bros, and oligarchs.

    If the most trivial aspects of daily life can be commodified, can they also be used to fuel the impending class war?

    We think so.

    SH*T Bag by Smolotov is a must-have for every responsible American patriot and dog owner. With these bags, you no longer have to worry about being distracted by culture war nonsense.

    Every Karen and Ken on your block will know immediately that you have disengaged from culture war politics and have graduated to class war politics.

    Congratulations, Comrade.

    The revolution will not be stepped onEnlist your dog in the fight against fascismLong live the Leashed

    The fine print

    The face is the joke. The bag isn't.

    Leak-proof and compostable are the bare minimum for a poop bag. We won't make a personality out of them. Here's the label anyway.

    The back of the Kennedizine carton: the Rx label peels back to reveal the full list of documented side effects.
    The back of every Kennedizine box. Required reading.
    Read the Kennedizine receipts

    Bag Facts

    Bags per box 60 · Rolls per box 4 · Bags per roll 15

    Active ingredientsPurpose
    PBAT, PLA, corn starchContainment of waste, fraud, and abuse
    Uses
    • picking up after a dog of any breed
    • the litter box, per the cat households in our reviews
    • temporary relief from the news cycle
    Warnings

    Side effects include bursts of laughter, intangible satisfaction, and a positive outlook on pet waste cleanup. Not clinically proven. It's a dog poop bag. Not intended for robot dogs.

    Directions

    Pull, collect, dispose, feel. Repeat twice a day, or as the news requires.

    Other information
    • 9″ × 13″, big enough to cover your hand
    • leak-tested 3×; 18-micron film on Stable Genius and Kennedizine
    • unscented · non-toxic water-based ink
    • compostable in 90 days in an industrial facility (ASTM D6400)
    • packaging made of recycled materials
    • made in a BSCI-compliant facility · designed in Berkeley, CA
    Questions? emotional-support@smolotov.com

    Not an actual drug. Do not take orally.

    Subscribe and save

    Standing order.

    One carton a month at 10% off, with a gift from a partner pet brand tucked in the box. Skip or cancel from one link in your inbox. No phone calls, no retention gauntlet.

    • 10% off every box
    • $15.72 a carton
    • Partner gift, monthly
    • Ships every 30 days
    • Skip or cancel anytime
    • No contracts, no hold music
    Start a standing order
    A red toy poodle trotting past a Stable Genius carton on the pavement. This month's gift: classified

    FAQ

    Things people actually ask.

    Is this actually compostable?

    Yes. Industrial composting in 90 days, certified to ASTM D6400. In a backyard pile it will take a few months, depending on heat, humidity, and soil microbial biome. We are honest about that.

    Does the third carton really ship free?

    Yes. Three cartons come to exactly $45.00 and US orders from $45 ship free, in any mix of characters. A discount code that takes the order under $45 brings shipping back, so do the math before you paste one in.

    Will my dog walker think I'm insane?

    Quite possibly, yes. We've heard from several customers whose walkers asked for their own carton. We've taken the worst part of pet ownership and made it great again!

    Can I get this on Amazon?

    A softer-named version, yes. The full personality is reserved for here.

    Is this a novelty bag or a real one?

    A real one. Plant-based film, 9″ × 13″, leak-tested three times, sixty to a box. The joke is printed on it, not built into it.

    A FOREVER stamp: a dog mid-business, USA, Land of the goodest boys.

    Fan mail, hate mail

    Feel like talking sh*t?

    Love this? Hate it? Let us know. But first, obviously buy a few months' supply. Rent is not getting any cheaper under the current administration. If you feel compelled to tell us your opinions, reach out at the address below, but please note, we may use your correspondence in future advertising.

    emotional-support@smolotov.com

    Stockists

    Also on shelves
    in 62 shops.

    Rather buy a box in person? Search by address, ZIP or shop name.

    SH*T Bag

    Thank you for making the world less sh*tty!

    Shop the cast Designed in Berkeley, CA · Ships in 1–2 business days
    Four tied Stable Genius bags in a row, each face stretched full and pulling a different expression.